Woke up this mornin', sun shinin' in my face

Dragging the dog along at a leisurely pace

Reached for my coffee, and a thought crossed my mind

hitting a dispose a bowl surely would be kind

But then I remembered, the last time I got high

I tried to join the circus as a human butterfly

I took five thousand dollars and put it on the Knicks

Hired some day laborers to show them my card tricks

Another time, I thought I was Ginger Lynn

Showered with a Brillo pad and scratched up all my skin

Found myself asleep in the local produce section

Found a random Korean guy and gave him an erection

Ate a kitchen sponge, jumped off the garage roof

Painted my car purple, actually told people the truth

Tried to have sex with some stuffed animals

Tried to bet again after the Knicks lost to the Bulls

My friends all laugh, they say I crack them up

When they convince me to drink urine out of a cup

I gave myself a haircut with a pair of garden shears

Posted nude pics of my mom and had her yelling in my ears

But then I remembered, the last time I got high

Launched my cat off the roof because I thought that she could fly

I took fifty thousand dollars and put it on the Knicks

Hired some day laborers to show them my card tricks

I can't handle my weed, it's better I don't smoke

Reality is weird enough for me, everything's a joke

La la la la la la la, la la la la la la...

Where the hell was I going with this?